Blog Post
January 1st, 2018

January 1st, 2018


I tried to kid myself this new year’s first morning. “Just another day, live it like the rest.” That lasted until I finished my morning run here at Disney’s music resort in Orlando.  


There is a collective consciousness. We are all connected. The feeling of a fresh start radiates today. It helps to be in the happiest place on earth (debatable) I know but, I can’t give myself full credit for changing my mind or not settling at indecision. I am not alone in the appearance of a fresh start today.


2017, was hard. It was crushing to lose Tom Petty. I still can’t truly believe he’s gone as I continue my song here in his home state. But closer to the heart than Petty were the recent and untimely deaths of two women I grew up with. 


One lost her life in a car wreck on Thanksgiving and the other lost her battle with cancer just a few weeks ago. The later has a young daughter. Both of these women I know had a thing for me when we were in school and I was too dumb to notice and even cruel about the one’s advances. 


I wish I could go back and say I’m sorry eye to eye but I can’t. In this life I can’t. I used to fear aging. Every passing year as a performing artist is like ten in real time. It’s an old stigma. Brought on by music execs in the 1950’s. Their fountain of youth feeds on the blood of the young. When I first moved to Nashville an older artist told me to lie about my age. I was 26 at the time. I’ve always declined lying about how old I am. It’s a disservice to God not to appreciate the blessing of every single moment on this planet.  Every birthday is like an award for making it another year. I used to care about my age but now I don’t. I was always told this time would come. With my greatest recorded work now in the can, I will admit though, I struggle at times believing that this music will matter or reach the public because of that old stigma. It seems pessimistic on the surface but what this truly is is being over wasted time. Time wasted worrying that there wouldn’t be enough time. What was laid down was between me and God. Where the music goes from here is not up to me. 


I’ve spent all these years chasing a dream and in many ways disguising what God gifted me. Growing up I felt like an outsider and sometimes I still do. Born to me though is a unique and special set of circumstances and outlooks that only equate to the sum of my individual whole. Yes I share some of these same experiences with you as you do me. But when we line our lives up side by side we see that we are individuals. It’s somewhat hard to comprehend how in my second paragraph I note the collective experience of humanity then a few sentences down I note the individuality. But that’s what being human is. We are all the same different. Split minded and uncertain about what we are and why we are here. 


I used to make the New Years lists. I gave that up a few years back. I started living intentionally to the best of my ability daily about four years ago. Losing my son dawned a new world in my eyes.  One that is bittersweet and knitted with close calls and rare bonds. I appreciate my health and am grateful for my family. Being able to express a life collection in art is the ultimate bonus. I don’t take this gift for granted anymore and spend most of my thinking time sharpening the edge of my creative blade.  I throw away more than I release but am fortunate to know with some experience that that is what it takes to get to the good stuff. If it were easy everyone would do it and no one would be inspired by or see themselves in the work of another. 


Today is the birth of a new year. Another chance. A chance for me this morning to say I’m sorry to those I’ve hurt along the way including myself. Even those two women who’ve passed on now. I see them in my mind and feel them in my heart. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not getting what life was about back then. Please forgive me for my ignorance and impatience. Thank you for teaching me and being patient in my learning. We may not have been aware of these lessons then but our spirits were. I love you with all my heart. I pray for your family’s healing. Godspeed. Your life was not in vain. Not to me.

Blog Index

Down in the Flood
    posted 2018-04-21

Seashells & Blacktop
    posted 2018-04-01

January 1st, 2018
    posted 2018-01-01

Four Christmases
    posted 2017-12-26

Faith Is The Middle Road
    posted 2017-12-04

White River Golden Eagle
    posted 2017-11-30

Wild Birds and Fence Rows
    posted 2017-11-29

The Current
    posted 2017-11-28